Each of the past two weeks I have run 20 miles, highlighted by a 9 mile trek through Lake Barrington that was magnificent.  I felt really strong and averaged an 8:50 pace.  My favorite part of distance training is the “emptying” feeling.  When you clear your brain for an hour or so, free from frenetic thinking, and you progressively head toward fatigue, pain, and exhaustion, you can start to really unpack a lot of what is most real in your soul.  I have come to both fear and anticipate what “I” look like when I am stretched, emptied, and exhausted.  With all apologies to Clint Eastwood, I have consistently found the following:

• The Good…I have been surprised from time to time that a heart of wild compassion exists behind the “efforting and protective self”.  I hurt for people when I hurt and I see much more good in people than when my full army of defenses are up.  While this is certainly true, more often I find…
• The Bad…I am a pretty selfish guy.  And when I shift my energy to running and off of vigilance in purity, charity, and care, I have discovered that much of what looks like servant-hood is simply a thin veil of self promotion.  I could take you to the exact spot where I realized that I simply wanted my “name” to be known above any other name.  And it was in the context of servant-hood!!!  But, wait, there’s more…
• The Ugly…For me. there is a greater enemy than a handful of malicious thoughts or realizations of things done or left undone.  To me, the ugliest part of my own humanity is a killer cocktail of Apathy/Compacency/Isolation.  And I find that all of that exists in my heart when I look long enough, deep enough, hard enough.

The great news is that this empty-ing aspect of running is exactly what our spiritual journey should look like.  We need not pursue “maturity”, “growth”, or “forming” on our own effort, with our clever devices, and comparative natures.  Less of me CAN mean more of Him.  But until I yield my thoughts, priorities, decisions, dreams, plans, fears, and wounds completely to Him, He cannot live more and more in me.

Empty yourself of yourself.  And believe that the life God has in mind is more explosive, dynamic, magnificent, and meaningful than anything else.